How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.
How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.
How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!
How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.
If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Silverware.
What bird can lift the most?
A crane.
What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.
What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.
What clothes does a house wear?
Address.
What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I'm coming down with something!
What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.
What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?
Her New Jersey.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
What did the rug say to the floor?
Don't move, I've got you covered.
What do bees do with their honey?
They cell it.
What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.
What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
Dead.
Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
His powder puff is on the wrong end.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.
What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A goat.
What do you do when your chair breaks?
Call a chairman.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
Bugs Bunny.
What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
Wet feet.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
What has 6 eyes but can't see?
3 blind mice.
What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A piano.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.
What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
What kind of ties can't you wear?
Railroad ties.
What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal.
What's green and loud?
A froghorn.
What's round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.
Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.
Where do fortune tellers dance?
At the crystal ball.
Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
Use symbols for formatiing :
¢ – cent £ – pund
© – copyright ¤ – currcy
® – registered trademark ¥ – yen ™ – tm € – euro sign
° – degree – e.g. 45° § – section
¹ – superscript 1 ² – superscript 2
³ – superscript 3 ¼ – fraction 1/4
½ – fraction 1/2 ¾ – fraction 3/4
¿ – inverted question mark × – multiplication
÷ – division • – bullet = black
◊ – lozenge ℠ – Service Mark
℃ – Celsius ℅ – care of
℉ – Farenheit № – numero symbol – number sign
℗ – Sound Recording Copyright ℞ – Prescription Take pharmaceutical symbol
Ω – Ohm ℧ – Inverted Ohm
☀ – sunshine – sun ☁ – cloudy – dark
☂ – raining – rain – umbrella ☃ – snow –
☄ – shooting star ★ – star solid
☆ – star outline ☇ – lightning
☈ – thunderstorm ☉ – sun
☊ – ascending node ☋ – descending
☌ – conjunction ☍ – opposition
☎ – phone ☏ – phone symbol
☐ – check box ☑ – check mark
☒ – ballot box with X ☓ – St. Andrew’s
☚ – left-pointing index finger ☛ – right-pointing
☜ – left-pointing index finger ☝ – upwards point
☞ – right pointing index finger ☟ – downwardspoint
☠ – skull & crossbones ☡ – caution sign
☢ – radioactive sign ☣ – biohazard sign
☮ – peace sign ☯ – yin & yang
☹ – frowning face ☺ – smiley face
☻ – black smiley face ☽ – waxing crescent
☾ – waning crescent moon ♈ – Aries
♉ – Taurus ♊ – Gemini
♋ – Cancer ♌ – Leo
♍ – Virgo ♎ – Libra
♏ – Scorpio ♐ – Sagitarius
♑ – Capricorn ♒ – Aquarius
♓ – Pisces ♔ – White King
♕ – White Queen ♖ – White Rook
♗ – White Bishop ♘ – White Knight
® – registered trademark ¥ – yen ™ – tm € – euro sign
° – degree – e.g. 45° § – section
¹ – superscript 1 ² – superscript 2
³ – superscript 3 ¼ – fraction 1/4
½ – fraction 1/2 ¾ – fraction 3/4
¿ – inverted question mark × – multiplication
÷ – division • – bullet = black
◊ – lozenge ℠ – Service Mark
℃ – Celsius ℅ – care of
℉ – Farenheit № – numero symbol – number sign
℗ – Sound Recording Copyright ℞ – Prescription Take pharmaceutical symbol
Ω – Ohm ℧ – Inverted Ohm
☀ – sunshine – sun ☁ – cloudy – dark
☂ – raining – rain – umbrella ☃ – snow –
☄ – shooting star ★ – star solid
☆ – star outline ☇ – lightning
☈ – thunderstorm ☉ – sun
☊ – ascending node ☋ – descending
☌ – conjunction ☍ – opposition
☎ – phone ☏ – phone symbol
☐ – check box ☑ – check mark
☒ – ballot box with X ☓ – St. Andrew’s
☚ – left-pointing index finger ☛ – right-pointing
☜ – left-pointing index finger ☝ – upwards point
☞ – right pointing index finger ☟ – downwardspoint
☠ – skull & crossbones ☡ – caution sign
☢ – radioactive sign ☣ – biohazard sign
☮ – peace sign ☯ – yin & yang
☹ – frowning face ☺ – smiley face
☻ – black smiley face ☽ – waxing crescent
☾ – waning crescent moon ♈ – Aries
♉ – Taurus ♊ – Gemini
♋ – Cancer ♌ – Leo
♍ – Virgo ♎ – Libra
♏ – Scorpio ♐ – Sagitarius
♑ – Capricorn ♒ – Aquarius
♓ – Pisces ♔ – White King
♕ – White Queen ♖ – White Rook
♗ – White Bishop ♘ – White Knight
♙ – White Pawn ♚ – Black King
♛ – Black Queen ♜ – Black Rook
♝ – Black Bishop ♞ – Black Knight
♟ – Black Pawn ♠ – black spade suit
♢ – red diamond suit ♣ – black club suit
♤ – red spade suit ♥ – black heart suit
♦ – black diamond suit ♧ – red club suit
♨ – hot springs ♩ – musical quarter
♪ – musical eighth note ♫ – musical single
♬ – musical double bar note ♭ – flat note
♮ – natural note ♯ – sharp note
✁ – cut above ✂ – cut here
✃ – cut below ✄ – scissors
✆ – public pay phone ✇ – film reel – tape
✈ – airport jet airplane ✉ – envelope mail
✌ – victory sign ✍ – signature – sign
✎ – pencil diagonal down ✏ – pencil
✐ – pencil diagonal up ✓ – check mark
✔ – heavy check mark ✕ – multiplication
✖ – heavy multiplication sign X ✗ – ballot X
✘ – heavy ballot X ✝ – Latin Roman
✞ – Latin Cross 3D shadow ✟ – Latin Cross
✠ – Maltese Cross ✡ – Star of David
❛ – quotation mark single turned comma ❜ – quotation mark
❝ – quotation mark double turned comma ❞ – quotation mark
♛ – Black Queen ♜ – Black Rook
♝ – Black Bishop ♞ – Black Knight
♟ – Black Pawn ♠ – black spade suit
♢ – red diamond suit ♣ – black club suit
♤ – red spade suit ♥ – black heart suit
♦ – black diamond suit ♧ – red club suit
♨ – hot springs ♩ – musical quarter
♪ – musical eighth note ♫ – musical single
♬ – musical double bar note ♭ – flat note
♮ – natural note ♯ – sharp note
✁ – cut above ✂ – cut here
✃ – cut below ✄ – scissors
✆ – public pay phone ✇ – film reel – tape
✈ – airport jet airplane ✉ – envelope mail
✌ – victory sign ✍ – signature – sign
✎ – pencil diagonal down ✏ – pencil
✐ – pencil diagonal up ✓ – check mark
✔ – heavy check mark ✕ – multiplication
✖ – heavy multiplication sign X ✗ – ballot X
✘ – heavy ballot X ✝ – Latin Roman
✞ – Latin Cross 3D shadow ✟ – Latin Cross
✠ – Maltese Cross ✡ – Star of David
❛ – quotation mark single turned comma ❜ – quotation mark
❝ – quotation mark double turned comma ❞ – quotation mark
