IN CASE OF FIRE: Please exit the building immediately before updating your Facebook status
Dear LOL, Thanks for being there for me when times get awkward. Sincerely, I have nothing else to say
Dear LOL, Thanks for being there for me when times get awkward. Sincerely, I have nothing else to say
facebook should have a ''Who Cares'' button
Dad, what does 'gay' mean?" "It means 'to be happy'." "Are you gay?" "No, son. I'm married
he best way to end a status conversation on Facebook is to like their last comment
SON: Dad, Can I go to a 50cent Concert? DAD: Here's $1. Take your sister too
''LIKE'' this if you have ever checked Facebook while naked
I didn't know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book
#DidYouKnow? For this year only! #2011 "Your age" + "Last 2 digit of your year of birth" = 111 <- True for everyone
Insert coin to view my status message.
Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.
Just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work.
Does Lady Gaga dress up as a normal person on Halloween?
You know what I find really funny?............. jokes.
That is not my picture on the wall! I got framed.
If I was a superhero I would choose the ability to see through glass
lost my cellphone if you find it .....call me
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, How did you get in here?
Not every flower can say love, a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, a cactus did. Not every retard can read, but look at you go!
I'm so cool I embarass winter
Last but not least ...
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